This started as notes for Nelson Hearing to rid myself of malicious misrepresentation of public pretender. The personal observations turned into something more. Informative, possibly (hopefully) inspiring for someone else suffering the abuse of a monster…. they are so very prevalent these last days. The conclusion I have reached is that they can be attributed to prescription medication…. opiates, benzos, methadone, and recommendation to pregnant women to continue the use of them. I discovered by accident three years ago that the use of methadone by pregnant women goes back twenty-five years. Indicating that babies have been addicted from inutero that far back. Burdensome knowledge I would have preferred to live without, more so when you combine it with the revelation I shared in my blog Given No Choice, Did They Ever Have a Chance? Off topic… the following is just more observations based on personal experience. Some folks would probably consider it paranoid delusions, those whose very sustenance is deception.
Though, for the record, to give credit where credit is due, she’s a fair actress. Not really talented, but she did manage to manipulate judicial process and thoroughly obstruct justice with a
“Face/Off” type reversal of her role in the strategy. Last year in order to deny me counsel, application for public defender was forged to make it appear as if I was not requesting the assignment of one. Then my pretender sent a letter introducing herself as appointed council so I would not continue to send messages through the detention facility kiosk. Just to get through the foreclosure hearing that I was refused access to. Her letter informing me of a conflict of interest was dated the day of the foreclosure, that proceeded without sufficient cause and in my absence. Conflict council was assigned, though never made an appearance, to keep me quiet until public auction of my home was complete, though upon further inspection, I believe that the mortgage holder bought it back the very day foreclosure took place. At an unconscionable deficiency, with the only purpose of reducing me and my children to homelessness.
Once this goal had been irreversibly reached, paid attorney assigned by the judge was sent in to secure plea agreement. Sure, he’s so pretty they assumed he’d have no trouble charming me into accepting fabricated charges and precious prosecuting parasites would never have to produce a scrap of evidence.
It is very unfortunate fir them that I complicated their strategy beyond their comprehension with knowledge and confidence. Common practice has made them complacent. I imagine they haven’t met much resistance. Everyone else they have victimized just accepted their guilt, however it was fed to them. I have always been different, always the wild card, never easily translated, completely unpredictable.
My entire life has been spent in the company, as the prey of, closely observing and experiencing the tactics and behaviors of narcissists and psychopaths. At a very young age, 6 years old actually, I had emotionally and psychologically transcended both of the individuals whose expected role in my life was to teach, guide, protect. Though it took several more years to master the art of deflecting their attempts to manufacture my emotions. Whether it was ignoring me so I would feel unworthy of their attention, or overly praising me or rewarding me so I would seek their approval and they could use it against me later.I recognized very early in life that everything had a price, always an ulterior motive, nothing without strings attached. To gain control someway, somehow.
Always the manipulation, but only if I gave them the power. If I don’t need or want anything from a person, that leaves them nothing to use to control or manufacture my thoughts, feelings, or actions. If their opinion of me is of no consequence to me, it can’t hurt me. And if they do not possess knowledge or experience in matters that concern me, why would I seek their opinion or advice? You don’t consult with a plumber for a solution to an electrical problem, right? How could I expect a person cloaked in darkness to have any knowledge of bright shining light?
My schoolyard bullies were my role models, and I was blessed with constant observation, instruction, and preparation from birth. Deflection was the power it granted me. Not power over anyone else, I have no interest in that, but power to defend myself. Just the ability to avoid being manipulated was miraculous in an environment where control and manipulation were the only goals of everyone else. For my own peace of mind and conscience I devoted myself and my power to the light, for the good. Determined to be everything they weren’t and none of what they are.
Once every tactic had been exhausted several times, recognition became easier, their behavior became predictable. That made it ever easier to become immune to attempts to generate the response they needed to complete the scenario they created in their mind. Whatever script they were performing; the victim, the perfect sister, mother, friend, the worn out caretaker of everyone, the proud parent crediting themselves with achievements that were never encouraged but always claimed as their own to later be scorned and ridiculed.
It is true that psychopaths and narcissists do not love their children and do not want them to succeed… at anything. They cannot garner sympathy for the success of their children, and sympathy provides more sustenance for their emptiness then does admiration. Admiration is beyond their comprehension, as it is the recognition of achievement, which they do not pursue.
I became impossible to manipulate, never giving them the satisfaction of the response they were seeking, unwilling to participate in inauthenticity, I refuse to be anything less than genuine. If I don’t mean it, I won’t say it. Honest to a fault, faithfully truthful. Intolerant of deception, I have no use for dishonesty, and no sympathy for self induced misery.
Lies only lead to more lies and end up creating turmoil and emptiness. I prefer to be filled to overflowing with love, gratitude, kindness, grace, strength, courage, confidence… all the things provided by Almighty God, just through knowing Him and allowing Him to guide me. Because I am able to be honest with myself and admit that I can’t do it on my own. I need the guidance that my one true Father, Almighty God is so pleased to bless me with. Through the love I feel I believe that His wish is for every individual in existence to be receptive to all He has to give. God wants us all to win. He is currently granting opportunities for the hosts of darkness to reclaim their souls. One last chance to be decent human beings. Not even necessarily go so far as to show kindness, perhaps all it would to for redemption to be granted and release from their misery is remorse for deception and refrain from causing suffering in others. Maybe just to accept responsibility, hold oneself accountable. A mustard seed of belief, it’s said, is all it takes, right?
I know without doubt that His gentleness has made me great. Immeasurable knowledge is accessible to me, and the shield of the salvation of Jesus Christ is my protection. It is all-encompassing, omni-present, and infinitesimal. Having survived being targeted by quite a large criminal organization made up of psychopaths/sociopaths/narcissists with the authority to force me into an environment full of their kind where they could entice criminals by offering no consequences, I have been witness to miracles. There is no other explanation adequate for an individual classified as a sex offender not taking action when repeatedly granted free access. A scenario resembling The Purge, and this individual declined. Nothing short of Divine intervention could have affected his instinct to satisfy the people encouraging him to do as he may, is what I believe. His classification as sex offender stemmed from having been caught masturbating in the presence of a female officer, and to avoid disciplinary action, the officer pressed charges. That is the information provided that I confirmed personally through some research.
There is nothing before me that I will ever need to fear because I know that all the forces of the universe are behind me. Unlimited, immeasurable is my gratitude because also unlimited and immeasurable are the possibilities. Just for believing and being receptive to Divine guidance. And honestly, it is not that hard to just be, and allow myself to be guided. The instant reward is freedom from fear, from doubt, from insecurity, from the need for validation from any other person. I know that I am only responsible for my actions. I will only be judged by my deeds. So as long as I maintain a clear conscience, I can proceed free from worry as well. It is all very liberating!
In dedicated service and eternal gratitude to
Lord of hosts Jesus Christ